Ah, the future. Once so promising, now so… so nothing. Just an abyss, really. Nothing to see here, people! Move along and leave me alone in the dark!
By way of disclosure, I’ve recently been diagnosed with several traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m lucky enough not to have the whole shebang, but it still makes a breakup absolute hell on earth. Not only does my future seem to be erased, my whole sense of self seems to be demolished. Some days, I’m not sure I’m even a person.
So many temptations: maybe if I can find the right words, and say them, my beloved will realise he loves me too and come back! Maybe he’ll forgive me my millions of flaws and agree to give things another chance. Maybe he’ll realise I’m not the devil, I’m just a woman struggling to recover from mental health problems (and by most accounts, doing fairly well).
Or, maybe, just maybe, trying to talk to him will only make him feel suffocated and annoyed, and he’ll run even faster, and I’ll be left feeling even more rubbish about myself than I feel now.
With all that in mind, I’ve made a list of possible distractions from the Why Can’t He Love Me and Come Back? problem.
Devote myself to career
- Pros: job satisfaction, confidence boost, socialisation with colleagues, money-making.
- Cons: No career to devote myself to. Jobs of the type I used to work are no longer suitable due to my stiff, arthritic fumble-fingers. I’m capable of neither physical work nor sitting still at a desk.
- Pros: improve health, lose weight, fit into more of my clothes.
- Cons: it hurts to move, I only have one pair of shoes that fit my orthotics (and they’re broken), and I’m too exhausted anyway.
Get a hobby
- Pros: everyone loves a hobby. Want to meet someone special? Sound more interesting on paper? Get out of the house and avoid your cat’s death stares? Get a hobby!
- Cons: none, except I already have hobbies, I just can’t do them. (See lack of money, mobility and finger dexterity.)
Go out with friends
- Pros: support, fun. Hurray and so on and so forth.
- Cons: I’ve only told one friend about the breakup. She lives on the other side of the world. Also, I’m extremely introverted. I dread company until I have it.
Watch another costume drama
- Pros: excellent suggestion!
- Cons: I’m not sure there are any I haven’t already seen multiple times.
Join a cult
- Pros: painful thoughts will be replaced by Cult Think. No fears of the unknown when future = cult. Uncertainty banished by all pervading “Cult is Best and Always Right” thoughts. Automatic social circle. Depending on cult, home possibly provided: no more stress about rent/housing crisis.
- Cons: Children may not like cult. I may not like cult. Cults are creepy at best and take a dim view of members leaving.
Drown sorrows in doughnuts