Becoming a contender

This cartoon image will probably get a boyfriend before I do, and she hasn’t even got a full 2D body!

Clearly, I need to change. If I were the loveable and special person my ex still says I am, he wouldn’t want to leave me. 

I don’t have men falling all over themselves for me – and if they ever did, I guarantee they were tripped. 

In an effort to find a man who could bear to stand next to me and hold my hand into the future, I must change. 

Here are a few ideas. 

  1. Be less friendly and smile less. Nothing scares a man away faster than a woman who seems friendly and interested. Smiles should be saved for hiding hurt/heartbreak/serious depression. 
  2. Wear more makeup. But do it expertly – so it looks like I’m not wearing any. 
  3. Shave my unruly hair off and get a pretty wig. (May also have benefits if children ever bring head lice home again.)
  4. Laser off all the body/facial hair. I’ve given up my plan to join a freak show as the resident bearded lady, so there’s nothing to lose. 
  5. Find a cure for all my health problems. Nobody likes a burden, right?
  6. Invent a time machine so I can unmake my mistakes and get back to my current age with an additional decade or two of gym workouts, some postgraduate qualifications and a great career history/stacks of savings. (I could do without the bad marriage and the divorce that followed, too.) 
  7. Have my head transplanted onto an attractive body… or my body transplanted onto an attractive and sane head… or maybe just start all over with a new head AND body. Should work well with my new past. 

Good luck, me!


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