Smile until your face cracks


Right. Time to cheer myself up. I may be unwanted, rejected, dumped etc – someone to flee from, at speed if possible – but there must be some good to come of it, right?

  1. I can stop looking after myself and nobody will notice! No need for proper eating, personal hygiene, trips to the dentist, doctor, physiotherapist, podiatrist, rheumatologist, psychologist or psychiatrist: I can just let myself go!
  2. I can also ignore the rest of the world because nobody will notice if I cut myself off completely. Hello, hermithood. 
  3. My tweezers can take a holiday. So what if I grow a full PCOS beard? So what if each of my hairy moles grows a beard of their own?
  4. Razor: ditto. Hello, warm furry legs for winter (and maybe summer too – could be good camouflage for my scars). 
  5. It won’t matter if I never lose enough weight to fit back into my nice lingerie! In fact, I can just throw it all out now. That’ll save space in my underwear drawer, too – and I need all the space I can get, considering my current knickers are big enough for a mature blue whale. 
  6. No need for contraception, and, therefore, no more Microlut-affected, lengthy periods! (Maybe the UTIs will leave me alone, too.)

Next time, perhaps I’ll make a list of great things about poverty, or the upsides of constant pain and fatigue. 

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